Thursday, February 4, 2016

The biggest Misconception of Life?

As I was warming this cup of tea I prepared earlier, to take a short break from office work I am doing from home this late evening, I couldn't help but think how my life has changed in the past one year. I shifted roles in office, I found love and I married the love of my life.... all in a period of just few months. 
      I always thought the biggest misconception of life is that it's FAIR. You can not expect a Lion not to eat you because you are a vegan and don't harm anyone. But that's not it... The biggest misconception of life is that we assume it to be constant if we just keep on working hard to keep it so. The fattest lie we can tell ourselves is that things will remain as they are! What I don't understand is why do we have this urge to settle down when Nothing was ever built to be stable or to settle? Its not only Time that passes. Life will keep on evolving or degrading and you may think its course is upto you, but it really is not! 
        The decision to participate in, by making choices or not making them, might be yours...but it really does not matter too much... Life will keep moving on.. The only thing you can do is to push it into favourable direction (not right or wrong direction but favourable to your choices). But then even if you push it with all your might, there's no guarantee that you can move even an inch of it! The worst part is you will not even know if you were able to move it at all, till the time comes for Life to unfold the result! 
                  Everyone wants to know the future! Will I get married? Will my kids have good job? Will I get that promotion? Will I be happy? But the Truth is that you can never know the future! Lets look at it this way. 
     Consider your life like an energy/cosmic wave.Every passing moment, its getting impacted by millions of other waves, some pulling it some pushing it.
You, or your choices, try to push it towards a favourable track. However strong that is, its only ONE part of this whole system. There are millions of known and unknown waves, your friends, partners, health, bosses etc. Everyone has an impact. Unless you know the impact of each of these waves you can not know the course of your future! The funny part is, that even these waves are not constant and are again deflected by millions of other waves that are a part of their own system. Now where does Your single wave stand ?? Still think its all Your fault? Its not... and its not even "Luck" or "it was meant to be". Its just one possibility occurring (out of millions of random possibilities) due to the factors that controlled it at that time. You alone, just can't control it! No single thing can!
So the big question is, How can I be happy if I cant control my own life? Honestly there's no answer to that question! If we knew how to be happy, no one would be unhappy ever! The only thing that we CAN do is:

1. Try - to bring positivity and happiness. Push your wave with all your might, towards the favourable direction. You may not always succeed but you may just sometimes!

2.  Accept - what you can not control. Do not blame yourself or anyone. Its millions of waves deflecting your life towards the unhappy times. 

3. Know - that the state of happiness and unhappiness both will change. You will not was not meant to be constant!

4. Hope - that everything will be okay and the universe with millions of its waves will pull your life towards favourable tracks. Without hope there's nothing.  

...And now I need to get back to the pending work before its wave form brings an escalation on my head tomorrow! :D


Tuesday, October 8, 2013

I'll be there for you..

As I write this post, the lyrics of the song cross my mind:

"So no one told you life was gonna be this way, 

Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA 
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year
I'll be there for you"

"I'll be there for you" How often have you heard these words.. or rather "I'll ALWAYS be there for you".. Yes, these words have been said to us millions of times.. well at least a hundred, if not millions.  "I care for you", "I love you", "even if I am not with you, I'll always be with there for you".. variants are many more.. And yes they do sound bollywood-ish. However, we all have either said or heard something like that in our life...  So?, you ask. 

Let me begin from the beginning. I am down with fever.. and not a normal one. From recent couple of days I have been struggling with Dengue Fever and everything else that comes with Dengue... But I don't intend to bore you to death with all the details so let me just say, Life's been better!! 

 We all fall ill and we all seek comfort when we are down and week. As you all know I live alone. By alone I mean, in a rented apartment with flatmates who are as busy as I am and we don't have much time other than saying hello to each other when we sometimes meet in the common area of the apartment. So, I was saying that I live alone. And my parents live in a different city... so does my sibling. Being ill is one thing but being ill and alone, completely different picture. You have to fight the sickness and take care of yourself all by your own drowsy mind and weak body. At that time you remember those words "I'll be there for you".. that so many people have said to you. And your question is.. where is that "there" referred to in the phrase? Where is that person who said such a thing or should I say promised to stay by you in hard times? Do you call those people and ask for help as they promised.. or... do you just fight YOUR battle by your own hands? Tough call...

And as I am ill and off from work, I have time at my hand.. to categorize people into three types:

1. Those who don't care. These people know you are sick and will care enough Atmost to just like a post you shared about your health. But will go bananas if you share a pic of yourself in skimpy clothing.

2. Those who say they care but actually don't even bother to call to check on how you are doing. In short those who don't care at all are better than these as you know that you can't expect anything from them.

3. Those who pick up there phone and ask how you are doing? Or the ones you can call and ask for help without hesitating. 

And as I was categorizing people into these types I met the fourth category that I didn't even know existed on earth:

The Framily : These people are not your friends, not at all. These are beyond friends and enter the zone of Family. Hence I decided to call them Framily (Friends+family). This specie can be found anywhere in the world however only lucky people are able to find them (or be found by them i should say). They'll act like your virtual family when your actual family is not "there". They don't wait for you to ask for help. If they see you in trouble, they'll drop everything and come running to be with you. These people have however one drawback. They are not necessarily seen during good times. That's because you'll be too busy (most probably listening to another "I'll be there for you") with the above three categories during your good times, to even see the framily. Just like our own family who we tend to forget during normal life. I am so glad I had the piffany to see that I have such people in my life...and that I am so blessed. Yes I consider myself lucky. And all I want to say is find your framily and be a framily for someone.  

 Although it might seem so complicated, but life is always giving us more and more reasons to be alive. These little surprises are the meaning of living. Yes I am ill, dying inside with weakness, but along with this memory of illness, I'll always remember the care and love of my family and the one person who actually didn't wait for me to ask for help and who's always been there for me through think and thin. And I'll also not forget those who pretended to care..atleast they cared for pretending much than nothing :) :)

Caring for someone other than ourselves is what makes us for someone.. even though you might not get it back.. still keep loving cos you are spreading the seed for love with every kind act..cos you are someone's Framily.. cos that's how life is supposed to be..cos this is called Life.. 


Thursday, June 28, 2012

Fitting in: "I want to be like you...Different!!"

“Ok, so this looks good”, I think looking at myself in the new dress, “just needs a little tucking in here and there.”  “This behavior is new…” the train of thoughts begins suddenly, as usual, “me… trying to fit my clothes to my body”. Most of the times it is me trying to fit into the clothes I got, thinking constantly about how much I need lose and from where in my body. I bet most of the people now days do the same, trying to fit into clothes that are made on standard scale. Not only clothes and shoes, the type of products we use each day are standardized and we are given a silent message to fit ourselves into them. If you can’t find a foundation that matches your skin tone YOU are at fault. If you can’t fit into a jeans size your friend is easily able to fit into, it is YOUR fault and you need to be embarrassed.
                     I know you all must be thinking that I don’t understand that a company cannot make clothes for every size out there. They need to make what the majority can wear and need not think about everyone. True, I am not blaming them. I just have this one small question for you all. Why are we embarrassed if we can’t fit into the ones made for majority? It’s not like everyone is the same. It’s not like we are all clones walking around. And that is not even my point J. I am here again talking about the twists and turns of life. Trying to understand life just a little better and this time the behavior of trying to FIT IN has held my focus.
                 We all know that human beings are social animals. We just cannot live alone. I have seen people who call themselves loners but then loners also get depressed if they don’t have even a single friend. We all need friends and family around us but why do we need approval of our friends or family. Why do we need them to think we are like them? Why do we need them to think we are not an outcast? Why do we try so hard to fit in? So you think you are not the one trying to fit in? Think about it… Have you ever kept something (it could be as small as a needle and as big as a bomb) a secret from your friends just because you don’t want them to judge you? It may be justified to you but you still think they wouldn’t give you their approval that’s why you didn’t tell them. Or have you ever tried to lose those last 5 pounds? Do five pounds really matter? Really? But everyone around you thinks you are fat.. or worse YOU think you are fat because of all the models and celebrities you see. Isn’t this trying to be like someone else? Is this appreciating what you have and who you are? Is accepting yourself as you are? Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out? It’s a human dilemma, we all want to be different, extraordinary and we all also just want to fit in with everyone around us.
                 We all were made different, even if our physiques match. Even clones tend to have different personalities. But then we are all trying to be the same. We are all trying to follow the same trends and trying to be generic. We're so quick to cut away pieces of ourselves to suit a particular relationship, a job, a circle of friends, incessantly editing who we are until we fit in. Instead of making changes in the society we are changing ourselves to fit into the society. Just like instead of getting a dress tailored for us we are trying to get ourselves tailored for the dress. Society has always mocked people who stood out and did not fit in, be it bullying in high school, friends commenting on your weird dressing or thinking, or people around you getting annoyed by your way of questioning everything. We live inside a box and think that people who don't fit into our box are weird.  Instead of trying to Fit it, let us just be ourselves and Fit out, even when people insist that we have to change. Let’s take up space, not apologize for ourselves, and not agree with those who seek to label us with stereotypes. Legends are not those who always tried to fit in. If I were to write a book about someone I would not see what he did that was exactly like the people around him but I would write about how he was different, how he stood out in the crowd. But then let’s not forget morality. Doing something just to please someone and get his/her approval, is bad but doing something that’ll end up hurting someone is worse. Be different, but don’t just be selfish and irresponsible. There’s a thin line between breaking rules and breaking hearts. Don’t be afraid to break rules to follow your heart but never…and I repeat it… NEVER break hearts and hurt people around you.
                   Every human being is different and special in his own ways and no one needs to judge him for what he is. Everyone should be able to live exactly how he was made and not by losing his true self in trying to fit into millions of things around him.  Life is not about fitting in, it is about standing out!! Let’s not forget, in the end we're all misfits here… because this is called living… because this is called life!!

Monday, September 20, 2010

LOVE Actually....

Note: Before starting with the post, I would like to thank my friend Twinkle (name changed), for her story which is the basis of my post this time. Love is a sensitive issue. Whatever I have written here are my own views and that doesn’t necessarily mean everyone has to agree. Just read and let me know of any love story you feel worth mentioning. *******************************************************************************

The past: So she was in love, madly, as we say. She had been with this guy for like four or four and a half years. He was not the best, but for her he was everything. She loved him more than everything and cared for him even more than she cared for herself. And now they had broken up. Reason? He didn’t care. After four years of relationship he didn’t even care if she was alive. All he cared was his life and his career and his friends and even his sleep but not her. He was a perfect case of “single in the head” guy. He used to flirt with other girls and even insulted twinkle every now and then. In short he gave absolutely no respect to Twinkle. He always talked about breaking up but as soon as she tried to breakup with him, he used to start showering his love and care upon her. May be because he knew that no one would ever love him as much as she does, or may be he didn’t want to get blamed for breaking up. Hoping he would change this time she always gave him a last chance and this went on for one long year after which she finally decided to cut the rotten thumb off and accept the sudden pain for a short span of time in order of getting rid of the constant pain for life…

The present: One and a half year has passed since the day she left him. And she seems to be over him. She has dated a few guys since then but as soon as things start to get even a bit serious she stops seeing that guy. I had a chance to talk to her over this thing. Upon asking the reason she said, “I don’t want a future like my past.”

“Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired”, I read somewhere. True up to some extent. But why does one want to be loved in turn?? The answer to this question is beyond my knowledge. Why does love fade away?? Why do couples break up? “Break up” isn’t it the perfect phrase for the situation. A couple is one single piece and they can’t be separated without breaking. What do we mean when we say the term “True love” Is there any false love?? And if it’s false or pretentious, is it really Love??
Love as I know of, is always true. It’s the purest form of emotion. Love doesn’t mean getting attracted towards the opposite gender. That’s infatuation. Love comes when we start caring and when things happening to other person start to matter to us and have an impact on us. Love happens when we least expect it. But beware; to love is to open your heart to someone and to give her/him the power to change you. She/he might change you for the good or for the bad. To accept this change is to love. Commitment is what Love is. After sometime, when we finally realise that this is the person I want to be with, when I grow old…only then can we say that Love exists. In India there’s a trend of arranged marriages. Although I guess that majority of people reading this post are strong believers of love marriages, still I would like to mention that arranged ones are a big success. Not because of the love and compatibility (that happens in just 10% cases) but because of the compromise each of the partner is willing to make. Accepting the fact that we are going to live with a stranger for the rest of our life is a scary thought and if someone is willing to accept that, I don’t think, unless there’s some major problem in the marriage, it will fall apart… for me and many like me the answer to such thinking is “NO, Thanks”.
Being in love is a wonderful feeling… One smile from a loved one is enough to ease all the pain and tensions. One kiss on the forehead is enough to say I care for you the most. One hug is enough to say you are my life and I missed you. Being in love doesn’t mean that our partner is perfect or we are perfect, it means that we are willing to be the way he/she wants. Love is unconditional. Love is irrational. Love is divine. Yes, I live in a dreamy world where everyone is in love with someone. Where there’s just Love in everyone’s heart so that there’s absolutely no place left for hatred. And I wish we all try to live in the same dreamy world. Hating is not an emotion. It’s just the absence of Love. Just like darkness is the absence of light. Let’s fill our hearts with the light of love. Let’s take this one step in healing the world. Making it just a little better.
Coming back to Twinkle, She knows what love really means. But her experience has scared her. She’s scared to let anyone inside her heart again and to give him power over it. Will she always be like this?? No. Time will heal her. Love will find its way into her heart again. When she finds that one person who really cares for her and who is willing to accept the challenge to make her come out of the walls she has built around her heart, she’ll fall in love again. She’ll again start to trust someone to make him the first priority in her life. She’s waiting and I wish her wait ends soon. I wish she finds Love actually....

Monday, March 8, 2010

I have a dream in my eyes!!

"Do you wana play table tennis?", asked my friend as we were returning from the institute. "Sure", i gave a quick reply. As we started playing my friend said,"We enjoy playing so much. How great it would have been if we were in some sports institute. We would have been so much better at grades". I chuckled at the amusing thought. But then the train of thoughts began and i couldn't concentrate on the game anymore.Its funny but true that we can run from speaking, we can run from listening but we can't run from thoughts. They come to us like an uninvited guest and captivate our mind like a hijacker and stay in it till the time they want. There's no way out of thinking espl for me. As much as i was enjoying playing i kept thinking about the thing my friend said. "Quick question", I said,"What did you wana become when you were a kid? ". "A dancer or a sports person may be". But what she became is an Engineer. we kept talking..
"Why didn't you try to become one?"...
"I couldnt...i neither had the resources nor the support"...
"But you have it now.."
"Its too late now.. ", she said.
This is what my post is about. And what i call it is 'PASSION'. As a kid i always wanted to become a doctor..and i used to say "i'll become a muft doctor"..(one who wouldn't charge for treatment..)..cos i thought helping people was the best job one could get into...As i grew up i knew it was certainly my interest but not my passion.My passion was hidden in the antakshari's and group song games I used to play with friends. And one day i realised that all i wanted to do was to sing..I started singing in events..i joined the college band and was proud to be known by the other students as the lead singer of the band. I performed in front of hundreds of people not only in my institute but outside as well but my hunger to sing wasnt satisfied.Today, I am an engineer by degree but i have a dream...i have a dream that some day i will be singing in front of not hundreds but thousands of people.My passion is to sing..and stage is where i belong...
As a kid we all had thought of a future. some of us were able to realise their dreams and some of us werent. The question to ask is, how many of us are still trying to live for their passion?? Some people might say we have already lived so much of this life, we just cant leave this all just like that. True, but if you really have a passion isnt it worth giving a shot?? just dont let the dream in you die cos you couldn't do anything for it in the past. How can it be too late when all we have got is one life. How can we be happy doing something when we know our life is bound with something else. There's always a way to turn things right. Its never too late...I read somewhere, "God has sent us all with gifts..but some never open the pckages".. All i want to say is, open yours. Let the world know your talent. Let your heart be satisfied.
I am working on my passion..i might be moving slowly.. but i know i will be there.... soon. I won't let my passion die just like that..I owe it to myself..I will make my dream come true..will you ???